I don’t often get legitimately scared while playing horror games, but there are a few exceptions like Outlast, Resident Evil 7: Biohazard, and the Dead Space series (except Dead Space 3). Horror games, literally any (good) horror games If that sounds like the kind of action you’d like to get in on with your significant other, hit the jump for a list of games you should seriously consider adding to your playlist.Įveryone’s unique in their own way, and thus have their own preferences, but the list below has been scientifically proven by me by a panel of experts to be super effective at driving lovey-dovey levels to the max. In case you haven’t caught on yet, that means we’ll be spending V-day eating pizza, having a few beers, and playing some of our favourite co-op/improvised co-op games all night. What’s more, my partner and I are more or less into the same games, which makes our plans really easy. This review is based on the PC version of the game, which we were provided with by Devolver Digital.For only the third time in my life, I actually have a real, totally-not-made-of-plastic (even though there’s nothing wrong with that, shut up!) date for Valentine’s Day. To everyone else, here is a game that transcends the idea of a rating scale, because while it’s not really good by any metric, it may be worth playing just to make sure it really exists and isn’t an elaborate practical joke. Target demographics don’t get much more specific than “People who are totally in-tune with single-minded phallic humor who also enjoy 8-way multiplayer and loosely constructed walking simulators with progressive messages.” To anyone that applies to, here is your perfect game. I doubt there’s anyone out there who would find every aspect of Genital Jousting appealing. Additionally, whoever decided to make a visual parallel between the two definitions of “ejaculate” should be given an award and then promptly fired. I personally found the way every character leaves a trail of ball sweat behind them to be consistently funny, while the movement sound effect that’s self-described as the noise of spaghetti hitting a wall quickly got on my nerves. The universal humor of the subject matter probably helps, although it’s likely that every player will be able to point to something that crossed a line for them. Every graphical detail makes it impossible to forget what you’re looking at, and there are entire story sequences and minigames that are basically castration anxiety distilled to an art form. This is definitely a one-joke game, if that wasn’t obvious by now, but to its credit, it makes the most of it. Turning the fact that the protagonist is literally and figuratively a giant dick into the underpinning of a surprisingly relevant message doesn’t save the single-player content, but it was enough to shake me from the stupor that it had otherwise dropped me into. But after some time (not that much the story’s only 90 minutes long), it shifts its priority to delivering a statement on toxic masculinity that’s so accurate and creatively realized that I’m still a little shocked it was in the same game as everything else I’ve described. Now, I imagine everyone’s first reaction to learning of the story mode’s presence was, “How do you make a story out of that?” At first, it seems like it’s going to be the same interminable joke as Date Night mode: a guy named John going through his ordinary life and looking for a date, except…well, you know. Additionally, the occasionally uncooperative physics actually improve its potential as a party game, because no matter how skilled you become, you can still be tripped up by a wayward testicle, giving everyone a shot at victory without being entirely chance-based. As usual for this sort of thing, some of the selections are better than others, but even the less impressive ones get by on the incredulity they evoke. Party mode has much more longevity, being a collection of randomly chosen X-rated Mario Party minigames, including wiener dog roundup challenges and a suppository-devouring contest. It’s entertaining for about 15 minutes until the complete lack of depth sinks in. Traditional mode is a simple competition to see who can overcome the wobbly physics engine and penetrate their opponents first (oh, by the way, the penises all have anuses on their back).
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